In the Sex Lives series, GQ engages in candid conversations with individuals about their sexual journey and the evolution of their sexuality. This week, we hear from Dylan, a 28-year-old gay man from Chicago.
My introduction to gay pornography happened during spring break when I was in the sixth grade. I was grounded at the time and somehow stumbled upon it, even though I didn’t fully understand what being gay meant. I was raised in a devout Catholic household where discussions about sex were non-existent. My mother is a staunch Catholic and my father, who is 18 years older than her, is quite introverted. We didn’t know anyone who was openly gay, so discovering this porn was a revelation. Since I was grounded and alone at home for a week, I immersed myself in it. This led to a period of longing and confusion, as being gay was considered a grave sin in my household.
I came out to a few people during high school, who then directed me to an older, openly gay student. He guided me through the process of coming out to my parents. I was terrified that my mother would disown me due to her strong Catholic beliefs. We attended mass every Sunday until I left for college, and she was quite strict. I would often be grounded or have my phone confiscated for a month. Given her punitive nature and the church’s stance on homosexuality, I made arrangements with a few people about potential places to stay if I was kicked out. I chose to come out on a Monday of a three-day weekend, giving me time to deal with the aftermath.
Surprisingly, my mother took the news well. She confessed that she had suspected I was gay since I was five and had even tried to subtly communicate this to my dad. She suggested that I hold off on telling my dad and offered to do it herself, which I agreed to. I came out to my sisters later that week, and my mother broke the news to my dad on Thursday. He didn’t speak to me for a month. Interestingly, he has a lesbian daughter from a previous marriage. My siblings and I believe that he struggled with my coming out because it forced him to confront his own role in having two queer children from different marriages. For a year, he was in denial and would refer to anyone I dated as my “buddy”. However, he has now come around and is very fond of my partner.
In the series Sex Lives by GQ, individuals share their sexual journey and the evolution of their sexuality. This week, we hear from Jack, a 27-year-old bisexual man from Seattle.
My sexual awakening happened during a family outing to watch Die Another Day. A scene featuring Halle Berry stirred something in me, right there in the cinema. I was the one holding the popcorn, and in my excitement, I ended up spilling it all over the floor.
I began masturbating at a young age, around first or second grade. I would sneak peeks at online porn or Victoria’s Secret catalogues and stash them away for later. However, I wasn’t very adept at covering my tracks online and ended up infecting the family computer with viruses. When my mom discovered my online activities, she cautioned me that what I was seeing wasn’t representative of real love.
I lost my virginity at the age of 21. I experienced puberty quite early, which made my school years awkward. I had a significant growth spurt, my voice broke in fifth and sixth grade, and I struggled with severe acne. In high school, I became deeply religious, which led to feelings of guilt about my strong sexual desires. Around the same time, I began to realize my attraction to men, which I tried to suppress. I eventually lost my virginity to a woman I met on Tinder. It was a night of many firsts for me – my first kiss, my first sexual encounter. However, I was unable to climax and ended up returning to my studies.
After losing my virginity, I joined Grindr. The experience was overwhelming, and I was unfamiliar with the lingo. I received messages inviting me to orgies and asking if I liked to “party”, which I later learned was code for drug-fuelled sex. I found one man attractive and expressed my interest in him, but he turned me down, saying that my first time with a man should be special. However, I wasn’t looking for anything special. My attraction to men often depends on how I feel about myself. When I feel attractive, I find men more appealing. My attraction to women, on the other hand, remains constant, regardless of my self-image.
This week, we’re hearing from Angela*, a 66-year-old retired saleswoman who, until recently, had been celibate for nearly three decades.
Angela, who hails from Gloucestershire, ended a loveless marriage in 2005, after her ex-husband shattered her self-esteem, causing her to lose interest in physical intimacy.
She explains: ‘We remained married for the sake of our three children… but it was soul-crushing to know my husband would rather satisfy himself with a box of tissues than be intimate with me.
‘I concluded I must be hideous, unappealing… you name it, I had every insecurity imaginable by the time we separated.’
Angela was in her late 40s at this point and believed ‘no one would be interested’ in her. However, after meeting Brian, the landlord of her local pub, four months ago, she’s found a ‘new zest for life’ – and for sex.
‘He was a couple of years younger than me and recently divorced. He made no secret of his attraction to me, but I was determined to keep him at a distance. After all, I am now 66,’ Angela says.
But after a tipsy encounter, Angela let her guard down. Now, she and Brian are having sex about four times a week on average, although they’ve not been able to have penetrative intercourse because he struggles with erectile dysfunction.
Angela says: ‘We have the most amazing sex life. It makes all the difference when you know someone truly loves you – flaws and all. I can say – and do – anything with him without any embarrassment.
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‘All my insecurities have disappeared and I feel like I’ve come alive again. Nobody would guess if they saw us; a couple in their 60s! But I’ve learned you’re never too old – and we are certainly making up for lost time.’
And now, for the first time, penetrative sex is on the horizon, as Brian gets the green light to take Viagra.
Without further ado, here’s how Angela’s week unfolded…
The following sex diary is, as you might expect, not safe for work.
Monday
Brian and I don’t live together and, when we first started dating, my idea was that we would spend the weekends together – and maybe an odd night in the week.
Having lived alone for nearly 30 years, I made it quite clear at the outset that he shouldn’t expect to move in!
But I’ve surprised myself by how often Brian sleeps at my place. His job means he works shifts, often finishing quite late, but I’ve given him a door key and I’m thrilled when he slides into bed beside me – however late it is.
He stays at least five nights now and tonight he’s working, so I pop down to the pub for a few hours. I have a few drinks until the bar closes and we head home together.
Brian is tired but still in the mood for a cuddle… which inevitably leads to sex. But not in the conventional sense.
It was pretty apparent early on that Brian had problems getting an erection, so penetrative sex has always been a bit of a no-no. We’ve had to be content with oral sex or mutual masturbation. Despite his erectile dysfunction, Brian has no problem reaching orgasm, and it turns me on to know I’m able to please him.
Tuesday
Brian’s snoring is loud enough to wake the dead but I’m prepared to put up with it, rather than sleep alone. I have friends who couldn’t think of anything worse – some have even reached the twin beds stage!
I guess it’s early days for us. I’m living for the moment and loving every minute of it.
Tuesday morning means work for him and the gym for me. I’ve never been a gym bunny but I know I’m not very fit, so I need to up my game if I want to live to a ripe old age.
I’ve become very conscious of my own mortality since turning 60. There’s so much more I want to pack into the years I have left – especially now I’m having this much fun!
I’m on a charity committee this evening, so Brian gets the night off and a chance to sleep in his own bed. Mine feels strangely empty without him and I’m not sure I like it.
Wednesday
I’m retired now so have I the luxury of a lie in pretty much whenever I want. Brian is not so lucky – but he doesn’t work on a Wednesday, so a lazy morning in bed has become the norm for us.
Like many men, he’s also up for some action in a morning so we soon get down to business with a bit of soixante-neuf (oral sex).
I’ve never met a man who is such a selfless and capable lover. He knows exactly where to touch me and how to touch me, with just the right amount of pressure. He gives me multiple orgasms!
After showering (separately – sadly, it’s not big enough for both of us), we head out to a local cafe for brunch and sit looking doe-eyed like a pair of teenagers.
In the afternoon, we go for a nice long walk in the nearby country park – arm in arm, naturally. We pause for the occasional snog. I’m still in shock at how I can’t keep my hands off him.
I love cooking, so in the evening, I leave him watching TV while I rustle up a quick curry. We share a bottle of wine and snuggle up on the sofa – and before long, he’s unhooking my bra and peeling off my clothes.
I’ve never been fond of my ‘lady bits’ but Brian loves to go down on me and he very quickly makes me come. Then I repay the favour. We head off to bed and soon fall asleep, happy and content, wrapped up in each other’s arms.
Thursday
It’s a big day for us. Brian has had high blood pressure as long as I’ve known him, and his GP categorically said he mustn’t take Viagra or anything similar until it came down.
It’s frustrating for us both – but, of course, it’s better than having a heart attack.
Today it’s come down so – yay! We have the green light to try the little blue pill. Just the prospect of it gets me horny. It’s been a long time coming.
His doc explains the dos and don’ts of taking Viagra. No alcohol, take it an hour before… It all sounds a bit prescriptive. Are we going to have to plan full sex from now on?
Brian comes away with six little blue pills. Well, they aren’t going to last long, I’m thinking.
What if it doesn’t work? It’s all quite exciting, if a bit unnerving, at the same time.
Apparently, they don’t work unless you actually have the urge – no problem in that department so far – and the effect can last four hours.
Does that mean we will be going at it for four hours? Or have sex umpteen times over? This is going to be a real voyage of discovery, but when?
After waiting all this time, we both want it to be right. He’s working tonight, so should we wait till tomorrow? Or are we so desperate we will just dive in, however late and knackered we are? Who knew sex could be this complicated?
I spend the afternoon with all these questions and more tumbling around in my head.
Frustratingly, Brian is tired after work and isn’t in the mood. He wants to wait until morning, so I reluctantly turn over and go to sleep.
Friday
I wake full of anticipation but it would appear Brian doesn’t feel the same way. He seems to be avoiding our usual morning cuddle and instead leaps out of bed, into the shower and before I know it, he’s dressed and off to work.
To say I’m disappointed is an understatement! After all this waiting, I had hoped he would be feeling the same. How wrong can you be? I feel quite deflated and lie in bed thinking things over.
Even when I get stuck into the housework and cooking our evening dinner, I find myself over-thinking things.
Eventually, I give myself a stern talking to; after all, this is new territory for the both of us and I guess it’s a bit weird for him having to schedule when he’s going to be fit for action.
This whole planning thing certainly takes away the element of spontaneity that we have enjoyed up to now – something Brian admits when he gets in from work.
Fortunately, we can talk about it – and even have a laugh. But he still doesn’t take the tablet, dammit! Another quiet night. *Sigh*.
Saturday
Brian brings me a cup of tea in bed. Finally, he pops a little blue pill and we giggle like a pair of naughty school kids.
He starts to fondle my breasts and, before long, we see the result we’ve both been waiting for. I’m so desperate to feel him inside me, I pull
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