Traits Women Seek in a Man by Lisa
Unveiling the Top 10 Traits Women Seek in Men
Being single can sometimes feel like a curse, especially when it seems like everyone else is part of a couple. You might find yourself wondering what that guy dating the woman of your dreams has that you don’t.
Some men might argue that women always fall for the bad boys, leaving the nice guys in the dust. While it’s true that some women are attracted to the stereotypical bad boy, most women prefer a man who brings positive qualities to the table.
If you’re a man interested in dating women and being the best partner possible, understanding the qualities women find most attractive can be a crucial step in transitioning from singlehood to a relationship.
It’s important not to waste your time on things that most women don’t really care about, like having a gym-toned body or a hefty bank account. Instead, focus on the things that truly matter, like being a good listener, honesty, and a sense of humor.
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There’s a common belief that women are hard to please and their desires are difficult to decipher. However, when we asked women about what they want in a man, their responses were decisive and consistent.
We’ve distilled these desirable traits into 10 core qualities that women consistently rate as the most important things they look for in a man.
Remember, nobody’s perfect. We all have areas we can improve on. So don’t be discouraged if these traits seem like a lofty target. All you need to do is make a sincere effort to be a solid partner and gradually improve in all of the above areas.
The bonus is that the qualities on this list will make you a more well-rounded, well-liked person in general. So it’s not just about improving your chances of landing a date or getting into a relationship. It’s also about becoming a better man for your own sake.
So, let’s dive into the top 10 qualities women want men to have, and how you can start demonstrating them:
1. Be Passionate & Adventurous
The term “adventurous” was frequently mentioned by the women we surveyed. However, they clarified that they’re looking for a man who’s open-minded, not necessarily a daredevil.
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For example, Ellen, 30, defines an “adventurous” man as someone who “likes to do and see new things and isn’t afraid of change, the unexpected… or spiders.” She adds that such a man should be willing to try new things and entertain new perspectives.
For Louise, 38, being adventurous is as simple as being willing to join her on the dance floor, even if you’re not a great dancer. It’s about putting aside your own feelings about dancing and just being present with her.
Being adventurous also means breaking away from the daily routine to keep the relationship interesting. This could mean going to a new restaurant, visiting an art gallery, or even just taking a walk in the park.
To become more adventurous, consider changing up your usual weekend activities. Try a new brunch spot, attend a painting class, or go salsa dancing. You might end up enjoying it more than you think, and she’ll appreciate your willingness to try new things.
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2. Be Intelligent
As Naina bluntly puts it, “Nobody wants to date a dummy.” Intelligence is a highly desirable quality in a man. However, it’s important to be humble about your intelligence and not come off as arrogant.
Ellen, for example, wants a man who is “bright, but not a mansplainer!” In other words, she wants a man who treats women as equals and doesn’t condescend to them.
So, what does this look like in practice?
For Ellen, it means being “interested and interesting; holding your own in a conversation about things that you’re passionate about, but not trying to dominate it; and being enthusiastic and open-minded in learning things you don’t know much about.” For Priyanka, 34, intelligence is key, but she only wants “men who speak to me as an equal and don’t condescend to me in my line of work.”
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So, if you’re not an expert on a topic, don’t pretend to be. Instead, listen intently and ask thoughtful questions. If you’re talking about a topic you’re passionate and knowledgeable about, make sure you’re engaging and interesting, rather than condescending and insufferable. Be sure to read about subjects that aren’t your usual areas of interest to develop a well-rounded intellect.
3. Be Patient
When we asked women about the qualities they find sexy in men, many mentioned how men treat service workers. Ces, 29, explains that this behavior demonstrates patience.
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Ces believes that patience is not just about being able to wait, but about handling waiting situations gracefully. She sees patience as a sign of emotional maturity and empathy.
Patience is a quality that can be cultivated with deliberate practice. Ces suggests imagining how your reaction to a situation will look to a stranger before reacting. She also recommends considering how much a situation actually matters. For example, if your drinks take an extra 10 minutes to arrive, make a joke about it instead of getting upset.
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4. Be Honest & Dependable
Unsurprisingly, integrity is a highly valued quality among women.
Naina emphasizes the importance of being honest and dependable, not just in terms of being faithful, but also in terms of being clear about your expectations from the beginning of the relationship. This prevents misunderstandings and unfulfilled promises.
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Honesty also means being clear in your communication throughout the entire relationship. So, if issues arise, deal with them up front.
“When a guy has the ability to communicate their concerns and desires honestly, life is 110% easier,” Miriam explains. “Simmering resentments and vulnerabilities are dealt with at the time and both parties can reach a compromise.”
It’s often difficult to communicate honestly because you may feel as though your partner’s feelings will be hurt, but it’s possible to phrase things carefully and without placing blame. Practice communicating openly, honestly and undefensively, and make sure you’re cultivating an environment where she can do the same.
5. Have Shared Values
Having shared values and principles is crucial in any relationship. This doesn’t mean being identical or agreeing on everything; rather, it’s about having the same basic idea of right and wrong, even if you disagree on the details.
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“You don’t have to be two peas in a pod but you need to be growing in the same garden,” Charlotte says. “Shared values are really the foundation of a relationship. The idea isn’t to mould into but rather complement each other, and shared values serves this purpose perfectly.”
This is an area to clear up pretty early in the relationship.
It’s OK if you have different political and philosophical views, but if she’s a diehard socialist and you’re an arch capitalist, for example — or if she’s a staunch atheist and you’re a committed Christian — you’re going to need to talk seriously and frankly about whether you have enough shared ground to make things work.
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Make sure you both agree on the right way to live and what counts as good and bad behavior, and you shouldn’t go too far wrong.
6. Be Thoughtful & Generous
Thoughtfulness is a key quality in all relationships, but especially so in romantic partnerships. Thoughtfulness involves small gestures that show you respect and listen to your partner, and this is a way to remind her that you care about her without needing to go over-the-top with grand gestures.
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Naina, 25, explains that recognizing small details about your partner, like her food preferences or pet peeves, can make a big difference. Amy agrees, adding that small, thoughtful gestures based on really listening and paying attention can make your partner feel truly understood and appreciated.
7. Be Empathetic
Empathy is a quality that women consistently seek in men. For Ellen, that means being “sincere in your concern for other people, animals and the planet, and thinking of others and going out of your way to make sure they’re happy and at ease.”
For Amy, it’s about never gaslighting her. Gaslighting is a psychological term which refers to the phenomenon of constantly denying another person’s lived experience to the point that it makes them feel crazy and makes them doubt their own perception of reality.
To avoid gaslighting, remember that your perspective isn’t the only valid one, and listen to your partner in good faith when she tells you how things appear from her perspective.
It’s OK to clarify that she got things wrong or misread your intentions, but never flatly deny her reality or tell her that she’s “crazy” or “psycho.” Listening is key here, so refer back to that section if you need to.
8. Be Confident About Your Appearance
While good looks are largely a matter of genetics, attention to detail is a quality that women highly value. This includes men who smell good and take care of their appearance and surroundings.
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Jen, 30, believes that a carefully-chosen cologne can work wonders in terms of your memorability and general allure. Grace adds that mastering the art of smelling good is as simple as investing in some quality body wash and a signature cologne.
Amy, 26, also emphasizes the importance of your environment. She’s attracted to men who make their living spaces attractive and comfortable.
As Amy suggests, paying close attention to detail gives important clues as to how you’ll treat your partner, so make sure you’re projecting the right impression.
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Ensure you’re well-dressed, clean, and tidy, and that your surroundings are clean and organized.
9. Be a Good Listener
The ability to listen is a highly prized trait among women. Grace, 30, says it’s attractive when guys listen to what she says and ask open-ended questions to show they are genuinely engaged and interested.
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