Why Are Throuples Increasingly Popular Among Gay Men? Str8Curious Explores by Lisa
Understanding Why Throuples are More Common Among Gay Men: 4 Key Reasons
Str8Curious is a regular AskMen column where lifestyle expert Joey Skladany, who is openly gay, addresses various queries from straight men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. He offers advice, dispels myths, and provides insights — from a gay perspective. If you have a question you’d like to submit for editorial consideration (your anonymity will be respected), feel free to contact Joey directly on Instagram or email him at [email protected]).
The Inquiry
I’m intrigued by the concept of throuples in the gay community. It appears to be quite prevalent, and I’m interested in understanding how this dynamic functions. Is it similar to what we see on Sister Wives? – Ted, Honolulu, HI
The Response
Well, Ted, it’s not as straightforward as you might think. While I personally wouldn’t engage in a multi-partner relationship due to my possessive and needy nature (self-awareness is key, right?), this arrangement works well for many gay men.
RELATED: What Does Being in a Throuple Feel Like? A Real-Life Triad Shares Their Experience
There are several reasons why individuals (not just gay men, but also straight, bisexual, and pansexual people) might choose to be in a throuple. Here are the most common ones:
1. It Can Add Excitement to an Existing Relationship
Introducing a third person into a long-standing relationship can provide a sense of sexual adventure without fully embracing polyamory, another common relationship style in the gay community.
This arrangement allows a couple to explore new emotional and physical connections while maintaining a degree of exclusivity. It creates a safe and comfortable environment that is more exciting than traditional monogamy.
And no, it’s not usually like an episode of Sister Wives. Since all participants are attracted to men, there isn’t necessarily a central figure that the other two focus on. Time and attention are generally equally distributed among all three participants. They might just need to invest in a larger bed to accommodate the extra cuddling and intimacy.
2. Variety is Appealing to Some People
Society often promotes the idea of finding our one true love (or soulmate) and spending our entire lives with this person. However, this isn’t a realistic scenario for everyone.
The reality is that it can be just as easy to fall in love with two people as it is with one (which is why shows like The Bachelor are so popular). Many gay men in throuples reject the notion that they can only give their heart to one person.
Different partners offer different types of support and attraction, both physically and emotionally. So why can’t you commit to two people at once? You certainly can, even if a three-person marriage isn’t legally recognized.
RELATED: Understanding Non-Monogamy: How Does It Work?
3. It’s More Economical
Sharing a mortgage among three people is more affordable than splitting it between two. While this shouldn’t be the only reason to enter a throuple, sharing expenses with two other partners you love can enhance your quality of life.
RELATED: What Straight Men Can Learn From Gay Men About Non-Monogamy
Many gay throuples enjoy lavish vacations and invest in high-end items because the costs are shared. Whether it’s something as simple as a T-shirt or as luxurious as a BMW, it’s easier to afford anything when two others are sharing the cost or contributing their own assets.
4. Queer People Have Always Done Things Their Own Way
After a lifetime of challenging societal expectations, we’ve decided to live life on our own terms.
Some might see it as an act of rebellion, but the truth is that after spending so much time trying to conform to societal norms, we’ve chosen to defy the traditional timeline and cultural norms imposed on us (like getting married in our 20s, having kids in our 30s, and experiencing a midlife crisis in our 40s).
To reclaim our time, independence, and freedom of choice, we’ve allowed ourselves the flexibility to satisfy our sexual, emotional, and romantic needs in a way that suits us, not according to a prescribed plan. For many gay men, this means a long history of loving multiple partners without shame.
RELATED: Why is Non-Monogamy Gaining Popularity?
Of course, a throuple isn’t for everyone. For it to work, there needs to be a fair and equal distribution of affection and attention, especially if a third person is joining an already established couple.
But the increasing popularity of throuples isn’t just a trend. They exist because they allow many people to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without being tied to just one person.
While I, being a jealous person, am not inclined to share, I can understand and appreciate why this dynamic might be ideal for those who challenge societal norms and don’t care about others’ opinions of their relationship choices.
(And who am I to judge when I can’t even find one guy to love me? Hats off to those who can find two. Cue the crying emoji.)
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