Guidelines for Requesting Intimate Photos from Her by Lisa
The Polite Approach to Requesting Her for Intimate Photos
The advent of technology, particularly the smartphone camera, has revolutionized dating. We take selfies for amusement or for dating apps, share candid shots in group chats, and, with the right person, exchange intimate photos. As smartphone cameras become increasingly common and society becomes more accepting of the human body, intimate photos are fast becoming a standard part of digital flirtation.
Indeed, with the rise of casual dating apps like Tinder and Grindr, exchanging intimate photos with someone you’ve never met is becoming more commonplace. However, just because intimate photos are frequently shared doesn’t guarantee you’ll receive any.
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If you’re new to this, you might be wondering how to participate. How can you persuade someone to send you their intimate photos? Several real-life sex and dating experts are here to provide clarity.
Is It Acceptable to Ask for Intimate Photos?
If no one has offered to send you intimate photos, you might think it’s time to start asking instead of waiting indefinitely for something that might never happen.
And you’d be partially correct.
“Requesting an intimate photo from a partner can be a good move if you’re already flirting or sexting,” says NYC-based dating coach Connell Barrett. “Exchanging intimate photos can be a fun, sexy way to escalate things. For the right couple, sharing intimate photos can be an adrenaline rush, making both parties feel desired and sexy. It can enhance the connection and attraction that you’re both already experiencing.”
However, he emphasizes, “never send unsolicited intimate photos. Always ensure the other person has consented to receiving your pictures.”
Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the “@SexWithDrJess” podcast, agrees that sending and receiving intimate photos is highly dependent on the individual.
“It depends on your partner,” she explains. “Some people love to send intimate photos and others do not. It’s not simply a matter of how long you’ve been dating or how well you know your partner. Some people are open to sending intimate photos from the onset, and others aren’t interested in sending intimate photos even after years of marriage. It’s a matter of personal preference and there is no right or wrong way to feel.”
Unsure if the person you’re interested in is open to sharing intimate photos? There’s a straightforward way to find out.
“Ask your partner how they feel about sharing intimate photos,” advises O’Reilly, “and respect their preferences — you don’t want to pressure them into doing something they’re not comfortable with.”
If you’re in a relationship with the person you’re asking, you have a certain degree of leeway with the question. Even if they decline, you’ll probably get the opportunity to explain yourself (and smooth things over if it’s left a bad taste in their mouth). However, if you’re asking a crush, an online dating match or an acquaintance, that’s significantly more complex.
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“With a crush (someone you don’t know very well), you’ll want to be even more mindful of their feelings,” notes O’Reilly. “Some people find it offensive and aggressive to be asked for intimate photos, so ask them more generally how they feel about sending intimate photos instead of sending a direct request. Be specific: ‘How do you feel about sharing intimate photos?’ If they’re open to it, ask what circumstances are ideal for requesting/sharing photos.”
Why Intimate Photos Are Really Complicated
Depending on your experience, it might be obvious to you that intimate photos are somewhat complicated — or it might not be. Not sure what that means? Well, sharing or swapping sexy pictures with someone else might seem like the most natural thing in the world for you, but it’s worth remembering that there are several valid reasons someone might not want to.
“Someone might reject a request for intimate photos for very good reasons,” says Barrett. “They’re self-conscious about their bodies, perhaps, or afraid you’ll share the photos with others. You want to completely respect their reasons, if they decline, and never pester them.”
That second reason is likely at the root of a lot of reluctance when it comes to intimate photos.
“We never know what the future holds!” says Mayla Green, sex and relationship coach at TheAdultToyShop.com. “If the relationship sours and the couple breaks up on bad terms, it’s a frightening thought to know the ex has intimate photos in their possession. They may try and get revenge and post them online. Once an intimate photo is shared online, it’s practically impossible to remove. This is the real concern for most people, but they won’t say it outright because it implies that the relationship will end badly.”
Instead, she says, they might offer up alternate excuses such as low self-esteem or poor body image. While that doesn’t mean that those excuses are completely fictional, it’s possible that a lack of trust is playing a more significant role in the other person’s unwillingness to share.
Another factor to consider? The fact that women’s intimate photos are often treated differently than men’s due to aspects of our culture known as “slut-shaming.”
“There are no universal differences, but oftentimes women face more scrutiny for expressing themselves sexually,” says O’Reilly. “This isn’t always the case, and it can vary according to a number of factors — including your age, sexual orientation, relationship status, race and body type.”
Still, the possibility that a woman will face some form of slut-shaming simply for having shared an intimate photo once is a real concern. At the end of the day, however, “Exchanging intimate photos is about trust,” says Barrett. “If the other person doesn’t trust you, they won’t send you intimate photos.”
The Right Way to Request Someone for Intimate Photos
By now, you should understand that asking for intimate photos can be tricky, and that there’s a good chance you’ll be rejected for reasons not entirely within your control.
That being said, that doesn’t mean there isn’t value in finding a tactful way to discuss the subject. The truth is, many people — yes, including women! — want to share intimate photos. For the same reasons you might want to share your own, other people want to share theirs.
But until you know what the other person’s stance on intimate photos is, you’re likely to look bad. As with many other things in life and dating, if you come off as a creep, a jerk or a sex maniac, you’re unlikely to get what you want.
“Don’t simply say, ‘Send me intimate photos.’ Directness is not the answer,” says Barrett. “A great way to approach this — for straight guys dating women — is to look for the right time.”
Bringing up the subject when you’re both in the mood, according to Barrett, will lower your chances of coming across as focused on only one thing, as it’s a more natural transition.
“The way to ask someone to send an intimate photo is to sincerely compliment them on how sexy and beautiful they are. Remember, simply asking someone to send you intimate photos could make them feel emotional distress. They may feel objectified, or insecure about their bodies. So first, let them know how attractive and sexy they are. Your job is to make sure they feel beautiful and desired, whether or not they decide to pose for you and hit ‘send.’”
He suggests “telling her how much you miss her body.”
‘Maybe you could send me some sexy pics of you, to remind me.’
“It’s not about the words as much as it is about [slowly getting] you both to a place where you’re sharing X-rated pics,” notes Barrett, “and having a fun, sexy time doing it.”
And when in doubt? It wouldn’t hurt just to gauge their interest level is in the concept of sharing intimate photos to begin with — particularly good advice if you don’t know each other well yet.
“Ask them if they’re interested in sharing intimate photos,” says O’Reilly. “Present it as an option, as opposed to something you’re trying to convince them of.”
“Would you want to snap intimate pictures and share them?”
“You might also offer to share your intimate photos, if this is something that interests you.”
If your request gets shot down, it’s important to handle the situation without being pushy or rude.
“Don’t worry about saving face,” she adds. “Instead, show your partner respect, regardless of gender.”
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As exciting as it can be to receive an intimate photo, you don’t have a right to see anyone’s intimate photos, and you can’t simply deserve to see them by doing a certain thing or set of things. Intimate photos are always something that are shared when the sender feels like it, and you can’t force anyone to feel anything.
However, if you know how to broach the subject without being a jerk or a creep about it — and you’re respectful enough to recognize why someone might want not to say yes — your chances will definitely improve.
And that’s the bare truth.
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