He Asked About My Shoes During Our Successful Tinder Chat by Lisa
After going through my emails, I decided to check my Tinder account to see the ongoing chats with potential dates.
There was one response I was particularly looking forward to.
However, I encountered a problem while trying to log in.
Every time I refreshed the page, an error message appeared. When I tried to re-enter my email and phone number, I received another message stating that my account had been blocked.
I was confused. I hadn’t sent any inappropriate messages or harassed anyone, at least not to my knowledge.
Then I recalled the last conversation I had, and it started to make sense.
I wasn’t a big fan of dating apps, but after a recent break-up and the fluctuating lockdown stages in the Netherlands where I was residing, meeting people in person was challenging.
So, I decided to join a few dating apps to put myself out there, even though I wasn’t necessarily ready to find my soulmate.
Tinder, especially, was known among my friends as an app mainly for casual encounters. But since I was just getting back into dating, I was content to chat with new people and see where things led.
After a couple of months on the app, I received a message from Dean*. We exchanged greetings, and although there were no immediate sparks, I thought it was just the beginning of our conversation.
However, after a few days, things took a strange turn. Dean asked if he could ask me a very peculiar question. I responded, expecting him to ask something about British culture or politics.
Instead, he asked, “Those heels you’re wearing in your last picture… would you like to stand on me with them?”
Dean was right; this was indeed a strange question. As a woman on the internet, I’ve received my fair share of sexual propositions, but this was a first.
The picture he referred to was from my graduation day, where my nude stilettos were visible beneath my black gown.
I jokingly replied, ”I think that would kill you,” expecting this to be the end of a humorous story I’d share with friends about the challenges of online dating.
However, he quickly responded, assuring me it wouldn’t and seemed eager to continue the conversation since I hadn’t immediately dismissed his request.
He then boldly asked, “What if I paid you?”
I was taken aback that the conversation had reached this point. What could I possibly say to that?
So, I decided to keep things light. “How much are we talking?”
Just to clarify, I had no intention of accepting his offer – I was merely curious to know how much this man I’d been chatting with for a few days was willing to pay a stranger for such an unusual request.
However, I never got the answer because after this message, I was unable to log back into my account.
Now, I can’t say with certainty that this was the reason I was banned. When I contacted Tinder customer services for an explanation, they simply stated that I had ’violated the terms of use and community guidelines’ but didn’t provide any further details.
However, considering that was the last message I sent, I can’t think of any other reason for the ban.
Was I banned for soliciting sex work? But how could that be when I wasn’t the one who suggested payment?
I found it ironic that I was banned for something I didn’t initiate but merely responded to.
I later encountered Dean on another dating app and asked him if he’d reported my messages. He denied doing so and expressed disappointment when our conversation disappeared. His account remained active throughout.
He tried to persuade me to meet him, without mentioning his previous offer, but I declined as I believed we were seeking different things.
And that marked the end of my brief interaction with Dean.
While the story does amuse my friends, the entire experience left me feeling frustrated. Women often receive countless sexual messages on dating apps from men, and when I showed interest in just one of these propositions, I was banned.
It seems like a double standard that men can send explicit messages, but when a woman appears to be trying to profit from it, she is the one who is penalized.
I’m still on other dating apps, swiping and meeting people, none of whom have asked me to perform any sexual acts for money.
But it’s safe to say that my Tinder days are over – as is my potential career as a ‘dominatrix’.
*Name has been changed
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