Reasons Women Find Sex with Married Men Appealing by Lisa
The Appeal of Married Men to Single Women
What is it that draws single (or even attached) women to married men, knowing full well that he is committed to another woman? It’s simple, it’s human nature to desire what someone else has, especially if it appears more appealing than what you currently possess.
A study by the University of Louisville suggests that many single women engage in a behavior known as “mate copying.” Essentially, these women believe that if another woman is pursuing or with a man, he must have qualities that are worth pursuing.
This phenomenon is common. When I’m out with male friends, whether at a club or a restaurant, women often start flirting with these men the moment they think I’m with them. Perhaps they feel the need to prove that they are as attractive as the woman they perceive to be with the man.
Perhaps these women are drawn to the challenge, the drama, the lack of commitment, or even the thrill of the forbidden. Regardless of the reason, many women have confessed that sex with attached men is often extraordinary. Why? Because these men are used to the same routine, and when these women offer them something different, it’s like introducing them to a new, exotic dish.
The Thrill of Secrecy
Melanie, a 28-year-old executive in a large corporation, confesses that she had an affair with a married colleague. “The sex was exhilarating because we had to be discreet all the time. The thrill of sneaking around during lunch breaks in the office supply room was unlike any other sexual experience I’ve had.”
She admits it was exciting, until the relationship started to shift from lust to emotion. “I started acting possessively, and that’s when I knew it was time to end it.” But Melanie adds, ”I know many women who not only enjoyed passionate relationships with married men, but they would take risks that I considered downright unethical.”
What did she consider unethical — this woman who chose to sleep with a married man, a father of three? Her list included having sex in the married couple’s bed and engaging in unprotected sex.
Then there are the competitive women…
The Element of Competition
“John would tell me about all the wild things he and his wife used to do before they got married and had children,” shared Anna, 37. “Hearing about their adventurous sex life made me want to show him what I was capable of — I wanted to bring back that element of sexual excitement.”
“We did it anywhere, anytime… until one of his wife’s friends saw us and told his wife. Ironically, this only made me want him more. I guess my competitive nature took over and I wanted to win — not necessarily him, but the competition. Have you ever watched elimiDATE? Do you really think the women are competing for the man?”
Regardless, John was clearly hooked on the sex that Anna offered him, given her readiness to satisfy him in any way he desired. But she soon realized that no matter how exceptional her sexual prowess, she could never win this competition.
“Despite everything,” she admits, “I still reminisce about the sex we had. It still sends shivers down my spine when I think about it.”
The Appeal of Experience
Some women believe that married men have more sexual experience, as they are often older and have been intimate with the same woman for a long time, giving them a thorough understanding of the female body.
“I’ve been dating attached men for about 10 years. They’re the only men I date. I know it sounds awful but since I have no plans to marry, I’m not concerned about karma,” says Sylvia, a 39-year-old business owner.
“It started unintentionally. The man I was dating failed to mention that he was married. I found out four months later by accident when he forgot to remove his wedding ring one day. I didn’t leave him, and in fact, he treated me even better after I found out.”
Is she the fantasy fulfiller?
When I asked if she loved that first married man, Sylvia said, “Love? Sure, for the moment. But he made me realize that I can never fully trust a man. So I prefer knowing that he has a wife at home, rather than worrying if he’s going to cheat. Plus, I can come and go as I please, and he has no right to be jealous or possessive. The moment he tries to pull that, I leave.”
“As for the sex,” she continues, “it’s fantastic. These men are usually unsatisfied or bored with their partners, and I provide that exciting, ego-boosting element they’re seeking. And because they’ve harbored so many sexual fantasies that either their partners wouldn’t fulfill or they wouldn’t want to ask of them out of respect or fear, I provide that ‘fantasy’ component they crave so much. Why would I ever give that up? After I climax, they leave. No commitments, no complications. I’m fine with that.”
Some might say that’s rather cold-hearted.
The Carnal Attraction
For some, however, sleeping with a married man loses its appeal once he decides to leave his wife and start a new life with the mistress. ”When I first met Matthew, there was an instant attraction, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other,” says Kim, a 28-year-old real estate broker. “But we mistakenly thought we were in love and decided to make our relationship official, so he left his wife. Neither of us anticipated that the fantasy would fade the moment the mundane aspects of everyday life came into play,” she admits.
Suddenly, Matthew wasn’t as exciting to be around, and he stopped treating her like the center of his universe. “Sex with a married man should remain just that, sex. Once we started a relationship, I became jealous — after all, he cheated on his previous partner. So I couldn’t enjoy sleeping with him the way I used to. Unsurprisingly, he ended up cheating on me with a woman from his office.”
The Bottom Line
So, women label men as unfaithful and claim that all men cheat, but it’s not as if these men are sleeping with other men (that’s a topic for another article). When a woman knowingly sleeps with a married man, even though I firmly believe it’s the married person’s duty to stay faithful, it makes women just as culpable as their male counterparts. And let’s not even start on the number of married women who are unfaithful.
Nonetheless, I can see why sex with attached men can be so appealing. But I believe that for every man who would cheat on his partner with a temptress, there is a man who is content with the woman he has committed to. My advice? If you’re craving an affair, meet your wife at a bar, pretend to be strangers, go to a cheap motel, and indulge in your fantasies while you ask for her name.
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