How Dating Apps Can Increase Feelings of Loneliness by Lisa
The Paradox of Loneliness in the Age of Dating Apps
It’s not just you: The paradox of feeling isolated while navigating through a sea of potential matches on dating apps is a common experience.
“The ease of meeting numerous people on dating apps is counterbalanced by a sense of disconnection and loneliness. The quest for the ‘perfect match’ can ironically make us feel invisible and unfulfilled,” observes Dr. Brooke Keels, chief clinical officer at Lighthouse Recovery.
A Singles Reports study reveals that nearly 80% of people aged 18-54 experience some degree of emotional exhaustion or burnout from online dating, with men being more susceptible to these feelings.
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While it may be comforting to know that others share your struggles, it doesn’t solve the core problem: How can dating apps create such a disconnect while offering numerous opportunities to connect? Here’s what you need to understand – and what you can do if swiping leaves you feeling lonely.
Understanding Why Dating Apps Can Lead to Loneliness
The Superficial Nature of Online Dating
Online dating initially seems promising.
“Dating apps create an illusion of endless matches, potential compatibility, and the convenience of connecting from home,” notes Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford.
However, frustration and confusion can quickly set in with each swipe.
Firstly, there’s an emphasis on physical appearance. While looks matter in real life too, the process of mindlessly browsing through numerous faces within minutes can feel superficial.
The Challenge of Authenticity
It can be challenging to gauge someone’s authenticity – or convey yours – online. The context can get lost when you’re reading profile descriptions and exchanging messages.
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“Online dating profiles can be misleading, lacking cues like facial expressions, body language, and genuine comments — not app-generated catchphrases,” says Dr. Bates-Duford. “Assessing authenticity and sincerity can be difficult.”
Some people even lie on their profile. There’s pressure to present yourself in a certain way, which can further erode authenticity. And since authenticity is the foundation of meaningful connection, using apps can leave you feeling empty.
The Difficulty of Getting Matches
Moreover, if you’re a heterosexual man, getting matches can be a challenge.
“Men and women swipe differently,” says Kristian Boe, founder of Swipestats.io. “While men swipe right on about 35% of profiles, women only swipe right on about 2.5% of profiles. So if you’re not in the top 20% of profiles as a man, you basically get no action, which leads to frustration.”
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Men Are More Prone to Loneliness
As Bates-Duford points out, loneliness is not the physical state of being alone, but the emotional feeling of isolation.
“Loneliness involves a lack of deep and satisfying relationships, connection, and negative quality of existing relationships,” she explains. “Dating apps can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, as it often takes a long time to build relationships with someone you meet online.”
Unfortunately, men are more likely to experience social isolation and a lack of quality relationships in the first place. Recent research shows that men’s social circles are shrinking, and it’s worse for younger men. According to an American Perspectives Survey, over one in four men under the age of 30 reported having no close social connections.
So, if you turn to dating apps because you crave connection in general, you may quickly end up feeling lonely.
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Real Connection Takes Time
Even if you’re meeting plenty of people, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to connect with them on a deeper level.
“The real challenge in online dating isn’t just about finding someone,” says Keels. “It’s about finding real, meaningful connections that go beyond just chatting online.”
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“There’s this silent struggle with feeling lonely, especially with societal pressure to appear always connected and in control,” she adds. “But what we’re really after is someone who understands us, someone we can share true intimacy and understanding with.”
5 Strategies to Overcome Loneliness Caused by Dating Apps
Despite the downsides and frustrations, online dating can still lead to positive experiences. There are ways to enjoy using apps and replace feelings of loneliness with more hopeful emotions. Here are a few tips:
Separate Your Self-Worth From Outcomes
“I wish men knew how to separate their dating app results from their self-worth,” says Boe.
To do this, it’s crucial to adjust your mindset. If you’re seeking matches for validation, a lack of matches will disappoint you.
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However, being open to exploring mutual interest without taking things personally will lead to a more satisfying online dating experience.
Take Breaks When Necessary
Sometimes, taking a step back is necessary.
“Taking a break from what makes you feel lonely does help,” adds Boe.
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Forcing yourself to keep trying won’t combat dating app fatigue. It’s usually a sign to shift gears and tend to your emotional needs in other ways.
Interact with People in Real Life
It may sound radical, but try interacting with people in real life.
“Join social groups, try speed dating, strike up a conversation with someone interesting, go out with friends, and visit places where people you may be interested in will be,” suggests Bates-Duford.
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Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, it may well help you feel more connected than staring at your screen.
Engage in Self-Reflection
If you’re feeling lonely, it’s a good time to check in with yourself. What do you value? What are you looking for in your romantic life? Are you satisfied with your other relationships?
“Doing some self-reflection to figure out what we really want and need can help us create more meaningful connections, both on and offline,” says Keels.
Embrace Vulnerability
Being vulnerable can be intimidating, but it can also lead to more meaningful interactions. So, try showing more of who you are while dating. It won’t guarantee that everyone you meet on apps will be genuine, but it will increase your chances of experiencing genuine connection.
Lastly, if you feel chronically lonely, consider opening up to a trusted friend or professional. It’s more common than you think, and discussing it is one of the best ways to combat isolation.
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