Are You Bothered by Her Sexual History? by Lisa
Concerned About Her Past Relationships? Here’s What You Need To Know
Our resident Dating Guru is an enigmatic character whose identity and location remain a mystery. However, his expertise in the dating world is unquestionable. He’s been on countless dates and is here to help the average guy elevate his dating game.
The Dilemma
Hello Dating Guru,
Things are going well. I recently reconnected with a woman I was infatuated with in college, and surprisingly, she’s interested in me now. We’ve been on a few dates, and it’s been fantastic. We’re really hitting it off. However, there’s a significant issue. She used to be a party girl — she drank a lot and was quite promiscuous. This bothers me. I don’t like the idea of her being intimate with other men. It also makes me question whether she’s ready for a serious relationship, which is what I’m looking for. How should I handle this?
– Worried William
The Solution
Hello Worried William,
What should you do? The short answer is, you don’t need to do anything, because this isn’t a serious issue. You’re overreacting a bit. However, your concerns are valid, so let’s delve into them.
There are two questions here. The first is, how do I deal with my discomfort about my new girlfriend’s past relationships? How can I stop imagining her being intimate with other men? Essentially, how do I handle my jealousy?
My advice is to get over it. Seriously. It’s time to move on.
I understand your feelings, and they are quite common. Few people enjoy imagining their partner in the throes of passion with someone else. It’s not pleasant, and it’s not your fault that these thoughts are in your head. I get it.
However, consider this. You wouldn’t want to be judged based on your past relationships, would you? Imagine meeting your soulmate, and then imagine how you would feel if she left you after finding out about a wild night you had at a party once. That would be an overreaction, right? So don’t do that to her.
Unless there’s something you’re not telling me, it doesn’t seem like you think promiscuity is inherently wrong. You’re not upset because of moral reasons. You’re just uncomfortable thinking about her past. So, you’re being a bit of a hypocrite. This is normal, but it’s also irrational. The issue here is with you, not her.
Now, let’s move onto the second question, which is whether she’s ready for monogamy. This is a valid concern. However, you’re approaching it the wrong way. You’re making assumptions based on limited information. This is a mistake.
Consider how little you know about her. You knew her in college as a party girl, but beyond that, you know nothing. You might be missing a lot of context. Maybe she was rebelling against a strict upbringing, or maybe she didn’t enjoy the party lifestyle as much as you think. Maybe she loved it, but she’s moved on. The point is, you don’t know her feelings about her past, which is what really matters here.
Furthermore, you’re assuming that people who are promiscuous in their youth never change. This is not always the case. As people age, they often realize that there’s more to life than casual flings. I can attest to this from personal experience.
In summary, you’re making assumptions based on limited information. This is a common issue in relationships. We often forget how little we know about others. You’re drawing conclusions that may not be grounded in reality.
There’s a better approach. If you want to know if she’s ready for a long-term, exclusive relationship, just ask her. She’s the best source of information. Have a conversation about it. If you’re unsure how to start, say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I think we should discuss our relationship expectations.”
It’s trendy to be nonchalant and avoid expressing your desires, but this is not a good strategy. It’s important to ensure you and your partner want the same things. Having an awkward conversation is better than spending nights worrying about your future together. Ultimately, you need to stop overthinking and start communicating with the woman in front of you.
Need some dating advice? Email the Dating Guru at [email protected].