Guide on Becoming a Man by Lisa
A genuine man doesn’t rely on ready meals. He knows how to concoct the perfect Negroni. He always has his passport at hand, just in case. He owns at least two pairs of driving gloves. He can wash dishes without making a fuss about it. He can shuck an oyster using nothing more than a toothpick and a stick of gum. He can pull off wearing white jeans to a wedding in Gloucestershire in April. He reads Karl Ove Knausgaard and pays attention to food labels. He opts for salad over fries…
Read more: The issue with men
This article isn’t going to perpetuate the stereotype of the ”real man”. Let’s be honest, this “real man” is no more authentic than David Gandy sprawled out in a fishing boat off the coast of Sicily. In the constant redefinition of manhood, this “real man” is just another ideological archetype, a marketing ploy used to sell us different aspects of our own masculinity as a convenient lifestyle choice. The ”real man” is portrayed as a cold beer, a five-blade razor with a “FlexBall” and lubrication strip, or a media catchphrase.
Lad, new man, metrosexual, retrosexual, ubersexual, spornosexual, pomosexual, 4-D man, default man, himbos, man zero, nouveau bro – have you ever actually encountered any of these caricatures? Are they helping you win a custody battle, talk to your son about body image, or prevent you from drinking yourself into oblivion on holiday? The “real man” is as authentic as your boss being James Bond because he splurged on an Aston Martin DB11. Or spent £30 on a fragrance. The “real man” is an illusion. He’s a myth. He’s a fraud.
The ongoing discourse among women and their fight for equality has, rightfully, led men to reconsider our own role in this evolving world. Are men in 2016 confused or just over it? Do we want it all – the career, the family, the baby vomit on our shirts – or just casual sex and piles of money? Are men in 2016 some newly evolved, over-ambitious, athleisure-clad, protein shake-guzzling, baby-cuddling, courgette-spiralising philanthropists? Or are we more like Daddy Pig, someone who enjoys shepherd’s pie, Game Of Thrones and a little pleasure on their birthday?
Truthfully, I don’t know. And neither does anyone else. But it’s time for some honesty. A bit of self-inflicted mansplaining. This article was inspired by a conversation with a woman. About a month ago, I had lunch with journalist, author and unofficial spokesperson for modern feminism Caitlin Moran. I listened as she shared her fears about the world her two teenage daughters were growing up in.
Moran decided to take action. She wrote a book, How To Be A Woman. She wanted to contribute to a world where young women don’t believe that a 23-year-old with hairless genitalia is the standard. (It’s not, by the way, not even for a man.) Or a world where “rape” is an actual category on some porn sites. A world where if a man wants to ejaculate on a woman’s face after sex, the woman isn’t expected to simply open her mouth like a fish gasping for air. Moran dared to ask, “Is a little respect and equality too much to ask?” And she managed to be humorous about it too.
