The Sexual Experiences of a 28-Year-Old Man Who Had a Phase with Older Men
In the Sex Lives series, GQ engages in candid conversations with individuals about their sexual journey and the evolution of their sexuality. This week, we hear from Dylan, a 28-year-old gay man from Chicago.
My introduction to gay pornography happened during spring break when I was in the sixth grade. I was grounded at the time and somehow stumbled upon it, even though I didn’t fully understand what being gay meant. I was raised in a devout Catholic household where discussions about sex were non-existent. My mother is a staunch Catholic and my father, who is 18 years older than her, is quite introverted. We didn’t know anyone who was openly gay, so discovering this porn was a revelation. Since I was grounded and alone at home for a week, I immersed myself in it. This led to a period of longing and confusion, as being gay was considered a grave sin in my household.
I came out to a few people during high school, who then directed me to an older, openly gay student. He guided me through the process of coming out to my parents. I was terrified that my mother would disown me due to her strong Catholic beliefs. We attended mass every Sunday until I left for college, and she was quite strict. I would often be grounded or have my phone confiscated for a month. Given her punitive nature and the church’s stance on homosexuality, I made arrangements with a few people about potential places to stay if I was kicked out. I chose to come out on a Monday of a three-day weekend, giving me time to deal with the aftermath.
Surprisingly, my mother took the news well. She confessed that she had suspected I was gay since I was five and had even tried to subtly communicate this to my dad. She suggested that I hold off on telling my dad and offered to do it herself, which I agreed to. I came out to my sisters later that week, and my mother broke the news to my dad on Thursday. He didn’t speak to me for a month. Interestingly, he has a lesbian daughter from a previous marriage. My siblings and I believe that he struggled with my coming out because it forced him to confront his own role in having two queer children from different marriages. For a year, he was in denial and would refer to anyone I dated as my “buddy”. However, he has now come around and is very fond of my partner.