During his usual morning commute, Ben found himself browsing through Tinder. He stumbled upon a profile of a woman who he thought was absolutely stunning.
“She had a pet dog, seemed to enjoy a good drink, and had a ‘girl next door’ charm about her,” he shares. “Surprisingly, we matched instantly. I initiated the conversation by complimenting her adorable dog and asking the usual questions about its age and name.”
Ben, who prefers to remain anonymous, spent the rest of the day engrossed in conversation with this woman. That evening, she requested him to follow her on Instagram, which he did without giving it much thought. “I followed her, liked a few of her posts, and then she went silent for the rest of the night,” he recalls. “I messaged her the next day but received no reply.”
Ben didn’t find this unusual at first, acknowledging that people can get busy and may not respond immediately. “However, later that day, while showing a colleague her Instagram photo, it hit me,” he says. “All the likes on her photos were from men, and there was no public interaction with those commenting on her photos. We never spoke again.”
Ben fell victim to a growing trend on Tinder, where users leverage the platform to increase their social media following. A quick search on Twitter reveals that Ben’s experience is not unique. Many users have expressed their frustration about this tactic, with comments like “Girls on Tinder checklist… ‘Follow me on Instagram, I’m not on here that much'” and “Tinder is just not the same as it was years ago. Girls just use it as a place to plug their Instagram.”
These men are referring to the predominantly female strategy of using Tinder solely to boost their social media followers. This trend has become increasingly prevalent on the app over the past few months. “I see it on eight out of ten profiles,” says Liam, a 26-year-old from Wales. Ben concurs, “I’ve noticed more and more that I’m matching with girls who just have their Instagram username in their bio. That’s it… nothing else.”
For many male users, this trend is making Tinder even more challenging to navigate. They often feel the need to scrutinize a person’s profile to decipher their true intentions on the app. Despite men thinking they’re aware of these tactics, women continue to amass significant follower counts as men unwittingly fall for the bait.
It’s often surprising for people to discover that you’ve never used a dating app if you’re of a certain age. I, for instance, met my ex-partner around the time Tinder was launched, so I never felt the need to use it. However, after ending an eight-year relationship last year, I found myself downloading the app and stepping into the world of online dating, albeit a decade late.
Like me, many men in their thirties are navigating this unfamiliar territory for the first time. The dating scene has been gamified during our absence, and it’s a bit bewildering at first. As someone who isn’t a big social media user, I found the fragmented and disposable nature of the interactions quite jarring. I initially thought these apps would make it easy to meet new people and go for a quick drink, but I soon realized it felt more like an administrative task.
One of my friends, who had used dating apps in his 20s before entering a long-term relationship, shared his observations with me. He noticed a significant shift from the time when there was only one app available, primarily used for fun and flirtation. Now, dating feels more like a rapid assessment exercise to determine if the person shares your vision of a shared life.
While everyone desires that elusive spark of chemistry, I started questioning the effectiveness of a socializing form dictated by the constant sifting and evaluation mechanisms of apps like Tinder. First impressions can often be misleading, and first encounters are inherently awkward.
A single friend suggested an app called Thursday, which turns nightspots into singles bars for one evening every week. It seemed like a sensible way to meet people in a more relaxed environment. However, the app’s facial recognition software didn’t recognize my face, and I was turned away at the door. My friends who made it in described a crowded basement bar where someone had recently vomited on the dancefloor. They left after an hour without talking to almost anyone.
Experiences like this made me realize that extensive filtering is now an integral part of modern dating. Why waste several hours in an uncomfortable real-life situation when apps promise you can target a specific type of person from the start? I also understood that for some people, filtering potential love interests is necessary. For instance, one friend explained that she had to look for women with shared hobbies and weekend pursuits as many of her friends were now busy with young children.
However, being on the receiving end of this filtering process isn’t easy. I recently went on a date that ended just as the conversation started to flow. I felt frustrated, not with the person I’d spent a couple of hours with, but with the feeling that we could have left some questions unanswered for a bit longer. Instead of rushing to form an opinion about this person, I wished we could have taken more time to discover each other’s unique quirks and interests. But instead, I found myself heading home, with my phone securely in my pocket.
Struggling to Balance Work and Love? These Platforms Can Assist
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Are you seeking a long-term partner who matches your work ethic to form a power couple? There’s an app for that. Do you have ample resources but lack the time for a relationship, preferring a more casual connection? The internet has got you covered.
The challenge is: How can one manage dating with limited time? The solution involves sacrifice. “If you’re serious about dating, you need to prioritize and make time,” advises Michelle Herzog, a relationship/sex therapist and owner of the Center for Mindful Living in Chicago. “Chances are slim that a romantic interest will suddenly appear while you’re at your office for 60+ hours a week.”
As a young professional, your time is precious, so be clear about the type of romantic relationship you can accommodate before starting the dating process. “If you’re someone who regularly works more than 40 hours a week, travels often, or has an unpredictable work schedule, then honesty with yourself and the people you are dating is crucial to manage expectations,” Herzog emphasizes. “There are certainly ways to get creative while dating as a young professional, such as joining local young professionals organizations, advisory boards, or networking events specifically geared towards professionals in your age groups.”
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As a busy professional, it’s also crucial to be upfront about your time constraints. “If there’s a particular person you’re interested in, engage with them regularly and be consistent in finding a time to meet for another date. These can be helpful steps towards prioritizing your romantic life,” she adds. “For most people, quality relationships determine the quality of life, not how much time you spend at your office.”
Because prioritizing work can lead to a skills deficit when it comes to dating and building healthy, adult relationships, and we understand that you’re busy, we’ve compiled a list of the best dating sites for professionals. Continue reading to find exactly what you’re looking for.
Professional Dating Apps
Elite Singles
As professionals, we appreciate a business that gets straight to the point. Elite Singles pairs you with other successful individuals, providing more than just a Facebook photo to base your opinion on. This high-end dating site collects information about your profession and appearance, allowing you to be as selective with your dating game as you are during the hiring process.
Match.com is a well-known name. As a professional, you understand that to become a household name, you have to be doing something right. When you’re seeking a relationship with another mature individual ready for real relationships and real conversations, Match is the high-end dating site for you. Rather than just swipes, the site asks for information that is both erotically and intelligently useful. If you know you’re looking for a toned brunette, those filters are available. Likewise, if you know you’d be better paired with someone interested in marriage and children someday, you can search for that, too. Match.com essentially lets you search for your dream partner. While it’s free to look, it will cost you per month depending on what package you pick. Think of it as an investment. Plus, that monthly fee helps to weed out the flakes who would only waste your precious time.
The League made headlines for its professionalism in the likes of Forbes for a reason. The dating app bills itself as the go-to high-end dating app for professionals with high standards. Rather than Facebook, it uses LinkedIn to verify work and education information provided. Not anyone can join The League; you have to apply. However, with application comes the promise that your matches are likely to be people that you’re actually compatible with. With the slogan “date intelligently,” their ads encourage you to keep Tinder for casual hookups, but use The League when you actually want to date someone.
You have to play by the rules to stay in The League. Members who don’t log in for two weeks will be kicked out. That also goes for “flaky” members who ignore messages, so get over your fear of commitment before you apply. For professionals looking to meet someone up to their standards, it is the way to go. You can rest assured that all potential mates have been screened and approved, so fear not about fakes or bots. The app makes it clear that the office is in mind, because every day at 5 P.M. (happy hour) their “concierge” sends you a batch of matches. If you “heart” one another, it’s on. Start chatting and meet up for in real life happy hour next time.
Seeking is undoubtedly controversial — we’re just going to lead with that. But as any businessman knows, if something is infamous, it’s because a lot of people are paying attention. Seeking connects sugar babies and sugar daddies. That means that usually beautiful, younger women, looking for a mentor to help with school or support their art, seek wealthy older gentlemen (and their wallets) for companionship.
We don’t judge and we’re not going to get high and mighty on you. Sometimes you want marriage; sometimes you want an arrangement. We praise Seeking for its honesty. We respect that it can be hard out there for women to make it on their own. We also respect rich businessmen who would rather set up a casual arrangement when they want some company. And FYI, the website hosts sugar mommas, too. So if you’re a hot young guy looking for some support while you launch your own app, enjoy cougar hunting.
Here’s the thing about Raya: It’s an application-based app “for people in creative industries.” (Read: celebrities) The waitlist is notorious; we know famous hot writers still stuck on the waiting list, so don’t let your ego get bruised if you don’t make the cut. However, if you are a professional in the creative industry, taking a shot and applying can’t hurt. You might end up sleeping with your celebrity crush.
The Inner Circle markets itself as “fine dating,” and they aren’t lying. Sure, like Raya, there is a waiting list that makes the app sound a bit pretentious but after swiping past dozens of disappointing potential Tinder matches, the selective screening process of the high-end dating app may be just the ticket for the serious person with precious social and literal currency. They vet potential users on age, photos, and social networks. You’ve worked hard to get where you are, so when it comes to dating, you’re allowed to be a bit pretentious.
Sure, everyone and their mother has Tinder, but that’s exactly why we’re here for it. Having Tinder is like owning good socks. Sure, it may not be the most special item of clothing in your wardrobe, but it’s pretty much a requirement. Along with hosting endless matches, we love Tinder for its easy location-based swiping. You may meet your future spouse, or you may meet a hottie for a one-night hotel stand while on a business trip. Tinder is a staple that everyone should have on their phones.
eharmony is a staple of dating websites. We use the word “websites” because it’s been around longer than apps even existed. While Tinder pretty much relies on photos and location, eharmony digs deeper, asking about how many children you have, your religious beliefs, and how often you smoke and drink. This, paired with its success rate, inherently makes eHarmony a high-end dating site.
We dig eharmony because while it’s more for people looking for long-term relationships rather than hookups, it has the same name recognition as apps like Tinder. That means more members, which means more matches for you. As a businessman, you understand that there’s power in numbers.
While it’s certainly happened, you may not feel totally comfortable sliding into the LinkedIn message center of the hottie who works for your company’s competition. However, you may enjoy the idea of meeting someone who shares your ambition. This is where BeLinked comes in. With a tagline of “Date like a professional,” the app connects you to other ambitious singles using LinkedIn information.
It even weeds out unemployed users, or those without jobs up to the app’s standards. BeLinked is for busy professionals who don’t just want to date or hook up, but that are interested in forming a power couple. While some hard workers are happy to use their gains to support a partner, others prefer those who work just as hard as them and have their own wealth. If that’s what you’re looking for, BeLinked is for you.
Additional Dating Sites for Various Types of Professionals
Medical Professionals Dating Site
Coffee Meets Bagel
Convenience is crucial for medical professionals as hours can be erratic, long, and unpredictable. It also means you have no time for duds. If you’re seeking something serious and substantial, Coffee Meets Bagel could lead you to your soulmate. Perhaps what’s most appealing about the app is it provides a limited number of matches each day, pairing you with only the most compatible profiles. The app also relies on mutual friends to pair you up, meaning prospective partners will not be complete strangers and may even give you something – or someone – to talk about. Like you, Coffee Meets Bagel values efficient dating because you’ve got no time to waste.
BlackCupid is part of the leading niche dating group, Cupid Media, which operates over 30 reputable dating sites. Like most sites in their portfolio, BlackCupid’s function is fairly basic, offering standard, gold, and platinum memberships. The website asks users to list their occupation, making it a viable space for professionals to meet. While the dating site is rather rudimentary in its function, it is unique in that it offers a space where black singles can speak with other black singles. Best of all, BlackCupid offers a profile verification feature, so you can be assured there is no insidious behavior going on.
Navigating the Dating Scene in Your 40s Has Never Been Simpler
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Are you still on the dating scene in your 40s? Maybe you haven’t found the right person to settle down with yet. Or perhaps you’ve recently recovered from a messy divorce and are ready to dip your toes back into the dating pool. Or it could be that you’ve been so focused on your career and future planning that you’ve neglected your personal life.
Regardless of why you’re single in your 40s, re-entering the dating world can be daunting, confusing, and even a little scary. You’re not a naive teenager anymore; you’ve had life experiences and have likely become set in your ways. So, what’s the next step?
Meeting Singles Over 40: A Guide
Dating in your 40s can be challenging, especially if you’re new to the dating scene after a long marriage. The dating culture has changed rapidly, and you might not be familiar with the current trends.
The first thing to know is that everyone is online these days. Traditional dating methods like singles nights, speed dating, and asking out coworkers are now considered outdated. While it’s still possible to start a relationship through real-life interactions, online dating is the preferred method for most people.
Online dating offers several advantages: you can be sure that everyone on a dating site is looking to meet someone, and it saves you a lot of time and energy. So, muster up your courage, sign up for a dating site or app, and get ready to mingle. As a 40-something, you might not be familiar with all the nuances of online dating, but don’t worry! The people you’ll be interacting with are likely in the same boat.
After a month or two of exploring profiles, sending and receiving messages, and hopefully going on some dates, you’ll get the hang of how online dating works. All that’s left is to find the right person for you. So, what are you waiting for?
Top Dating Sites for People Over 40
Once you reach 40, some dating sites and apps might seem a bit strange. Many modern platforms that promote casual dating, like Bumble, Tinder, or Hinge, might feel too youthful and frivolous for your taste. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, you need to focus your efforts in the right direction. Therefore, you should concentrate on dating websites and apps that cater to the over-40 age group and the type of relationship you’re seeking.
Choosing a site that aligns with your values and needs will increase your chances of meeting people you’re interested in. Online dating will be much easier and less stressful if your potential matches have been pre-screened for your needs. You already know how to use your time efficiently at work or the gym, so why not apply the same principle to your love life?
Before you dive in, make sure you’re not overwhelmed by the multitude of options. As with any website that requires your personal information, it’s crucial to read the fine print. You don’t want to waste your energy, confidence, and hard-earned money on something that isn’t worth it. Not sure where to start or how to proceed? Fortunately, we’ve done the hard work for you and have narrowed down the top sites to focus your energy and time on. While these are safe choices, beware of untrustworthy sites that make promises they can’t keep.
The following recommended platforms for over-40 dating attract individuals who are not only in your age range but also share your outlook. Who knows? You might find more than just a date this weekend — you could find the one:
Zoosk
While Zoosk might not be as popular with the younger American crowd, this international dating app has a significant presence worldwide. With over 35 million members from the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, and throughout Europe, this app is ideal if your fast-paced career has you traveling extensively. You have the opportunity to meet singles from many countries, casting a much wider net than you would stateside. Since its founding more than a decade ago, Zoosk has invested in creating lasting, loving connections, continually updating its algorithm and offerings to meet its members’ needs.
Zoosk sets itself apart from competitors with its unique photo verification feature. If you’re in your 40s, you might be wary of users who look unreasonably younger than they should. With Zoosk, you don’t have to worry. They’ve designed this app to ensure you’re not paired with someone misrepresenting themselves. If Zoosk can’t verify a photo you uploaded, you’ll be asked to provide a video as proof. In addition to this safeguard against liars, they also use a ‘proprietary behavioral matchmaking engine’ that makes recommendations based on your messaging habits, browsing behavior, preferences, and clicks. Though Zoosk does require a paid membership to truly interact, those in the market for love post-40 swear by its success. So, if you’re an older man looking to get into internet dating, it’s the ideal place to start.
As one of the most trusted and beloved dating sites, Match.com has used its 23 years of existence to bring together thousands of couples. While the company has evolved over time, they stay true to their belief that long-term relationships can be cultivated from online to in-person, thanks to thoughtful and meaningful profiles that get to the heart of their users. While you will be paying for one month, three months, six months, or a year through their various subscriptions, what you reap in return is well worth the investment. But consider yourself warned, it is an investment, indeed.
Unlike many online dating sites, when you first sign-up for Match.com, you’ll need to carve out some time (preferably with a glass of your go-to beverage) to answer several questions. Here is where being specific and honest about your hopes in dating become more important: Match.com sends you recommended singles based on these responses. And beyond their algorithm, it’s reasonable to conclude the people who are on Match are looking for something serious, meaning they’ll actually take the time to comb through your page.
Another perk of joining Match is their blossoming secondary company, Stir. Depending on where you’re located, you can browse through local events – from happy hours to kickball games and day trips – that bring together users based on interest. This can be a more exciting way to meet singles in your area that are Match users, without having a long conversation back and forth.
For another way to find love, consider Elite Singles, a major player in the dating market. When you first sign-up, you’ll go through their unique personality test, organized in 10 sections, that asks everything from your background and education to your value system and your interests. Based on the ‘Five Factor Model’ theory of personality traits, it uses trusted logic from psychology to truly provide reputable matches.
Unlike most dating sites where you can browse through hundreds of profiles as often and frequently as you’d like, this destination uses the results of your test to present 3 to 7 suitors per day. Especially if you’re someone who tends to get stressed by a plethora of option – or you don’t want to waste time browsing instead of dating – this might be the best option for your lifestyle. It is important to note that while reviews are mixed for this site, its reputation continues to be stellar for those 40 and over, in particular.
Another long-standing dating site is eHarmony. And for good reason: they use a proprietary questionnaire around beliefs, emotional health, skill sets, characteristics, and more to create “happy couples.” The keyword, of course, is couples: eHarmony isn’t a site designed for hookups or random flings, but they truly focus and foster a committed approach to love. You’ll notice the more time you spend on eHarmony, the more success you’ll have, since their software takes note of how much time you spend on profiles, what you search for, and more.
While eHarmony has matched together twosomes for more than a decade, it wasn’t until last year that they gave their users a glimpse into the process. Starting in 2017, a now-popular feature ‘The Two of You Together’ became available to all members, showing the specific data on why you should probably message that cutie already. As a paid service, eHarmony is among the top options for heterosexual men.
If you’re looking for a great place to find a date past 40, look no further than Love Again. It’s designed specifically for mature daters, so you’ll enjoy the ease, the simplicity, and the purpose behind this app. Depending on your style, you can browse through profiles, join group chats, instant message folks you’re really interested in, ask questions in forums, and more.
While it’s not as racy or modern as other competitors on the market, for a way to get started without getting frustrated, you’ll enjoy having many more potential dates within your desired age range. Especially since, hey, that means you have more of an opportunity to truly fall for a person who is looking for the same future you are.
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Non-monogamy is becoming increasingly accepted. A 2016 survey revealed that 17% of individuals under 45 had participated in sexual activities outside their relationship with their partner’s consent. Further research showed that young adults aged 18 to 29 were most comfortable with ethical non-monogamy, with acceptance decreasing with age.
A recent poll found that 32% of Americans, including 43% of millennials, prefer non-monogamous relationships. It’s evident that society is beginning to recognize monogamy as a valid choice for couples, rather than a legally enforced lifestyle.
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To address your queries about open relationships and ethical non-monogamy, we consulted sexologist and sex and relationship educator Jamie J. LeClaire. We’ve also compiled a list of the best websites and apps for non-monogamous relationships.
Understanding Open Relationships
Open relationships are intimate relationships that go beyond the confines of two-partner monogamy. They can take various forms, including partnered non-monogamy, swinging, polyamory, solo polyamory, solo non-monogamy, and combinations of these. One partner may be non-monogamous or polyamorous, while the other may not.
LeClaire explains, “These are broad conceptualizations, not rigid categories. There’s ample room for flexibility and personalization. You may want to practice different types of open relationships with different partners or at different times in your life.”
Do Open Relationships Work?
“Successful open relationships involve consent, consistent communication, respect, honesty, trust, emotional transparency, and setting respective boundaries,” says LeClaire. “Some open relationships may involve a certain level of commitment and fidelity, for example, within a three-partner closed polyamorous couple.”
Given the variety of options available to those in open relationships, all communication must be crystal clear. Essentially, there should be no secrets.
What Are the General Rules of Open Relationships?
The beauty of open relationships is that there are no hard and fast rules. You and your partner(s) can establish rules based on what works best for your relationship(s).
LeClaire states, “Just as no two monogamous relationships are exactly the same, neither are open ones. There are ‘best practices’ that make different types of open relationships more fulfilling and satisfying for all involved.” This refers back to the points discussed earlier about open communication, emotional transparency, and setting boundaries. These boundaries should be thoroughly considered and/or discussed with all partners involved when determining how you’d like to practice your specific version of an open relationship.
LeClaire adds, “Your preferences and desires are a significant part of the equation when figuring out the blueprint to your ideal open relationship situation. There are many different aspects you will want to consider when making these decisions.”
Are Open Relationships Healthy?
The short answer is yes. Open relationships can be a healthy, liberating, and fulfilling option for many people.
“Healthy open relationships are practiced ethically and consensually, taking everyone’s needs, desires, and boundaries into consideration,” says LeClaire. A recent study found similar levels of relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being among individuals who practice monogamy and those who practice open relationships.
LeClaire adds, “If there is any difference in ‘health’ between those who practice monogamy and those who practice non-monogamy, it would likely be due to the fact that society still views monogamy as the norm or the default, while non-monogamy is still stigmatized and often not treated as legitimate by family, peers, and even healthcare providers.”
The Best Dating Websites and Apps for Open Relationships
Here are some of the best dating websites and apps for open relationships:
Ashley Madison
Ashley Madison, a well-known non-traditional dating site, has been facilitating affairs for individuals in committed relationships since 2001. Its user-friendly layout and straightforward approach have kept users returning year after year. As it’s a well-known name in the dating site industry, it naturally attracts like-minded users, making it easier to find open relationships. Profiles also feature a member feedback area where others have previously ranked the profile, helping you decide who to contact and who to avoid.
If you’re seeking an LGBTQ male, Grindr has the largest database to choose from. Open relationships are more common among queer communities, so finding someone interested should be fairly simple. With 3.8 million daily active users, Grindr is the most widely used gay dating app worldwide, accounting for 74 percent of gay men, according to research. To aid in your search, users can filter profiles by age, tribes (jock, nerd, discrete, etc.), type of relationship (casual, dating, relationship, etc.), and more. Using geolocation, Grindr displays the nearest active users. You can browse a limited distance away unless you pay for a membership.
AdultFriendFinder is a reputable hookup site known for helping people arrange all sorts of relationships. The site has a vast database of members and numerous ways to search, explore, and interact. The homepage features an active newsfeed, and the site offers various groups, chat rooms, and live webcam sessions. On AdultFriendFinder, you’re presented with matches based on ‘Cupid Preferences’ that filter members based on what you’re looking for. If you want to be more assertive, you can browse members, run various searches, or play a Tinder-like swiping game. If you’re looking for a hookup site that focuses on sexual preferences, AdultFriendFinder is the way to go.
Feeld is an app specifically designed for open relationships. Originally launched as 3nder, the “Tinder for threesomes,” the app quickly rebranded after a lawsuit from Tinder. After the rebrand, the app expanded its focus to cater to various non-normative relationship models (poly, open, bisexual, etc.). The app offers 18 different sexual identifications and uses Facebook to verify users, ensuring no bots. The app also allows you to pair your profile with your partner and offers the option to hide your profile from friends to ensure privacy.
PolyFinda, as the name suggests, is specifically designed for polyamorous couples and ”honest, ethical people who like more than one.” Although the user base isn’t the largest, the app is exceptionally specific about the type of person you’re looking for, with a plethora of options to choose from for sexual orientation and the relationship model you seek. In addition to the standard match and chat system, Polyinda offers access to poly coaching sessions, insightful articles on poly dating, and group chats to assist in navigating potential relationships.
#Open is an app explicitly for open relationships and hosts an inclusive, sex-positive community free of judgment. Users can join solo or as a couple, offering 24 gender identities and 23 orientations. Users are encouraged to personalize their profiles with hashtags that express their sex and relationship preferences and boundaries. A supporter of the LGBTQ community, #Open also asks for preferred pronouns, a simple, rare, and appreciated feature on any app, website, or document. With a Tinder-like matching system, #Open also lets users search or browse profiles and hosts group chats for larger discussions. The app is also donating one dollar to Planned Parenthood for each new profile, up to $69,000.
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