Identifying if a Romantic Gesture is Over the Top
It’s often said that it’s the little things that count, but when it comes to romance, some people can’t resist going all out. There have always been those who love grand gestures, like hiding a diamond ring in a dessert or proposing from a hot-air balloon. However, the advent of social media has raised the stakes. Now, we’re more inclined to seek out extraordinary moments to make our social media feeds shine. While knights of old performed daring deeds to win their lady’s love, and couples have always tried to outdo each other with romantic gestures, these acts are now performed for a much larger audience.
With a broader audience comes judgement. We all have our own tastes and what one person finds romantic, another might see as a desperate grab for attention. This could be a good argument for keeping romantic gestures private, but we continue to share them. Consider the reactions to public proposals, often made by men. In the 2010s, flash mob proposals were all the rage, and there was a time when women were being surprised by their partners at significant moments. No event was safe: women finishing marathons would find their partners proposing at the finish line; graduates would be surprised with a ring as they reached for their diploma; Olympic medallists would be interrupted by a suitor hoping for a “yes”.
Understandably, this began to annoy some observers. Why couldn’t these women enjoy their moment in the spotlight? If their partner was willing to interrupt a potentially once-in-a-lifetime moment to feel more included, what else might he do to steal her thunder? Plus, there’s the pressure to say yes when a proposal is made so publicly. There’s a reason shops used to have signs saying, “Please don’t ask for credit, as a refusal often offends”. In a public proposal, the proposer’s pride takes precedence over the proposee’s feelings. Romantic gestures can be divisive, and these women may have been more than happy to share their moment with their partner. However, such moments are often better shared privately or with close friends and family. People on a screen don’t know you or care about you – you become a symbol of everything they fear, or a reminder of a past experience they’d rather forget.
It’s easy to blame romantic comedies for filling our heads with unrealistic expectations. In these films, men are persistent and “no” is just a disguised “yes”. The person being wooed doesn’t know what they want, and the suitor is determined to convince them that they are the answer. Everything leads to a thrilling climax: confetti falls from the sky, the couple drives off into the sunset. But then reality sets in: who’s going to clean up all that confetti and doesn’t that car have to be returned by noon tomorrow? Romantic comedies inspire men to go beyond the clichéd bouquet of flowers, as shown by Monica’s candlelit proposal to Chandler in Friends. However, their influence can only go so far, reinforcing existing gender stereotypes or our own basic understanding of what makes something romantic. The real problem is our peers. Love has become a competition.
Romantic gestures can be cheesy, over-the-top, and even environmentally unfriendly, but they can still be acceptable. However, if they come across as creepy, calculated, or insincere, they can quickly become problematic. The chance of going viral also comes with its risks. Take the recent case of Rebecca Renner, a writer who flew across America to declare her love for a man she’d briefly been involved with. She documented her journey on social media, which quickly went viral. However, after she was rejected, public opinion quickly turned against her. Some accused her of using romance as a commercial enterprise, and sympathy for her situation quickly evaporated. Perhaps there was something inspiring about her quest, but making it public changed the tone irrevocably. If your love relies on public attention, is it genuine in the first place?