Relationships and Personal Growth

Lessons Learned from Reuniting with My First Sexual Partner and My Mother by Lisa

Recently, the first man I ever⁣ had a​ romantic encounter with, almost a decade ago, messaged me privately to say that due to my writing for ​ GQ, I might be the most successful person he’s ever been intimate with. (I appreciate the compliment, GQ.)

Being a typical millennial, I​ decided to seek advice on Twitter on how to respond to his message.

So far, I’ve received nearly ⁢300 suggestions and the⁣ post has been viewed‍ by ⁤half a million people.

The reason‌ this caught everyone’s attention is quite amusing: my mother decided to join in the conversation, stating, “Your mother would like​ to have a word⁣ with him.” ‌The fact that a parent ⁤had stumbled upon details of her daughter’s ⁣first intimate experience was enough to evoke both sympathy and laughter. The humor was further amplified considering my mother is a former home secretary, adding ​a ‍hint of threat to her ⁢response.

While⁢ this might​ be ​the reason it initially ⁤grabbed everyone’s attention, the reason it’s received so many responses is because it’s a story many can relate to.

The⁣ message​ itself is filled with subtle annoyances, from the undermining use of the word⁤ “might”, suggesting a competition among the women he’s been with, to the unnecessary label of being someone he’s slept with, ⁤when he could’ve simply referred to me as someone he knew or dated. (He later apologized for his initial message, blaming‍ it on wine, and admitted it lacked politeness and discretion.)

The real ‍issue here is that many people have experienced being intimate with someone who⁤ then disappears without a‍ trace. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a brief ‌encounter is exactly what you’re looking for, but when the interaction begins with the implication that it’s more than ‌just a physical connection, the sudden disappearance feels deceitful.

Men, in particular,‍ often view sex as a ⁣prize to be won from a woman,‍ even if it involves dishonesty. But the often overlooked truth is that women enjoy ​sex. ⁢They really do. So if you’re resorting to lies to get it, you’re ⁤doing something wrong. Everyone‍ has the right to choose who they don’t want to be intimate with, but when ‍you deceive someone to get them into bed, you’re essentially admitting that if they knew ⁢the truth, they wouldn’t have consented. This is, quite frankly, disturbing. By pretending to be in love, or suggesting a future together, you’re taking away the other ⁣person’s ability to say no to the real situation.

While going through the suggested responses, I noticed many of them targeted the man’s performance in bed, from “You were almost certainly the quickest” to “I know it’s been ten years but I feel now is the right time to ask… is it in yet?”‍ This might be because men often take pride in their sexual prowess (especially those who slide into your DMs), but while​ I initially found these‌ responses amusing, if we want men to view sex differently, women also need to ‍stop using inadequate performance or size as a form of attack.

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