Stop Playing Hard to Get Now
Love, despite being one of the most natural human emotions, is often fraught with complexities. From the countless ways it can go awry to the numerous societal norms to adhere to, we often create hurdles in our own path to love. Dating etiquette, while designed to safeguard us from ill-intentioned individuals, can also be restrictive. Consider the age-old advice of playing hard to get. This tactic, often recommended in countless dating guides with intimidating titles like The Dating Commandments or The Bro Manifesto: Make Her Work For It, is almost a mandatory step in the early stages of a relationship. Showing too much interest or enthusiasm for someone you’ve just met is often frowned upon. Instead, we’re encouraged to be reserved and distant. It’s peculiar how we turn love into a complex obstacle course, despite making quick decisions about significant matters in other aspects of our lives.
Unfortunately, men are often the culprits behind this phenomenon. Regardless of sexual orientation, men are stereotypically perceived as being interested primarily in sex. This stereotype has led to the creation of various strategies to weed out men who are only interested in casual encounters, leaving only those genuinely interested in a relationship. One such rule is the prohibition of sex on the first date. Ironically, men often reinforce this rule, perpetuating the notion that someone willing to sleep with you on the first date is not worthy of respect. This creates a delicate balance between wanting a challenge and wanting to win. We crave validation and the opportunity to see the person again, but if they show too much interest too soon, they’re deemed “desperate”. We suppress our feelings, live in constant fear of appearing too eager, and deliberately leave messages unread to maintain control. It’s no surprise that “aloof” is an anagram of “a fool”.
While there’s a certain thrill in playing this game and letting attraction build, we often hinder our own progress. We hold back from replying to messages to avoid appearing too eager, we’re vague to imply that others might be interested, and we engage in tedious mind games to test someone’s attraction or intentions. But what are we waiting for? What are we afraid of? Isn’t it time we grew tired of these worn-out tactics and stopped participating in a game where even the winners lose? Instead of playing games, wouldn’t it be better to be a version of ourselves that is genuine and enjoyable to be around?