Rules for Flirting on Instagram
Before You DM Her on Instagram, Read This
The digital age has revolutionized the way we flirt. Gone are the days when flirting was confined to bars, clubs, roller skating rinks, discos, and county fairs. Today, the digital world, particularly Instagram, has become the new flirting playground.
Instagram flirting, when done correctly, can be an exciting and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. However, if done incorrectly, it can lead to embarrassment, frustration, disappointment, and even fear. The art of Instagram flirting, through likes and DMs, is no different.
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Whether you’re commenting on someone’s photos, liking their old posts, or responding to their stories, you could be making someone’s day. These actions are crucial in setting the stage for a potential date, hookup, or relationship. However, one wrong move could lead to the other person blocking you.
So, how do you navigate the complexities of Instagram flirting? How do you express your interest without coming off as too aggressive?
To guide you, AskMen consulted several dating experts and Instagram users about the rules of Instagram flirting and their experiences on the platform. Here’s what they had to say:
Understanding Instagram Flirting
Why Do People Flirt on Instagram?
“People love to flirt, it’s as simple as that,” says Courtney Kocak, co-founder and co-host of the Private Parts Unknown podcast. “But Instagram flirting is particularly appealing because it feels safe. You’re not face-to-face with your crush, so it gives you the courage to put yourself out there.”
Instagram is also an alternative to traditional dating apps, according to Tiana GlittersaurusRex, co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide. It provides another opportunity to connect with people who share similar interests.
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Unlike dating apps that encourage snap judgments, Instagram allows potential crushes to get a glimpse of your personality, political views, family, friends, and hobbies, among other things, says GlittersaurusRex.
Can Instagram Flirting Lead to a Real Relationship?
Instagram, a platform where people share pictures of their daily lives, may seem like an unlikely place to start a meaningful romantic relationship. However, Instagram can help you connect with people and get to know them better, potentially leading to a deeper connection.
“One of my longest relationships started in the Twitter DMs,” reveals Kocak. With the COVID-19 pandemic limiting face-to-face interactions, she notes that romance is blossoming in unconventional places, including Instagram.
Instagram flirting can indeed lead to a real relationship, according to GlittersaurusRex, provided everyone has the same intentions and is honest about their needs. However, she cautions that it’s crucial to accept rejection gracefully and respect everyone’s boundaries.
Does Liking Old Photos or Responding to Stories on Instagram Mean They’re Flirting?
Men are often expected to make the first move, which can make it difficult to determine if someone’s actions on Instagram are genuine flirting or just friendly behavior.
However, GlittersaurusRex compares these actions to the practices used on many dating sites and apps:
“Liking old photos and commenting on stories are subtle forms of Instagram flirting,” she explains. “They’re trying to get your attention and show appreciation, similar to sending winks on traditional dating apps or sites like Match.”
Alexandra agrees that these actions are likely signs of flirting, especially if the comments are complimentary. “They’re taking the time to engage with you repeatedly, which indicates they’re interested in spending more time with you and getting to know you better,” she adds.
Instagram Flirting: The Dos and Don’ts
Be Respectful
“Instagram is not a dating app, so don’t treat it like one,” advises sex educator Kenneth Play. “The same etiquette that applies in real life should apply here. If you want to flirt with someone, you need to approach them respectfully and establish rapport. Diving into anything overtly romantic or sexual without knowing the person can come off as creepy.”
Avoid Stalker-like Behavior
It’s easy to become infatuated with someone based on their Instagram profile. However, obsessing over someone on Instagram doesn’t give you the license to act inappropriately.
“Don’t be the creep who likes 15 of my bikini pics in a row at 4 a.m. — or at any time,” warns Alexandra.
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“Don’t try too hard,” advises Kocak. When it comes to Instagram flirting, “less is more,” she says. “Overdoing it can feel stalker-ish. But leaving cute comments or replying to my stories in a non-sexually aggressive way makes for successful flirting in my book.”
Be Authentic
While it might be tempting to portray a cooler version of yourself on Instagram, pretending to be someone you’re not is a surefire way to ruin your chances. Instead, be genuine and respond to the content that genuinely interests you.
“Be genuine,” advises Kocak. “If you’re a fan of the artist I reposted, or you’ve also stayed at that hotel in Palm Springs, that’s a cool share and a good way to develop a genuine connection.”
GlittersaurusRex suggests a more fun and likely more successful approach: “Getting to know each other with engaging thoughtful questions.”
Avoid Being Overly Sexual
The golden rule of Instagram flirting is not to get sexual too soon. While flirtation is often associated with attraction and sex, it’s a mistake to assume that the person you’re interested in wants to engage with you sexually without knowing you.
“Posting fire emojis on a hot pic is fine,” says Kocak, “but drooling in response to an IG story from the farmer’s market is a bit much.”
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Alexandra advises against commenting with overly sexual remarks. “Talk to me like I’m a whole person, not just eye candy you’d like to touch,” she says. “Comment on photos that have to do with my interests like travel or art or books, not just pics where I look hot. If you out yourself as a f*ckboy immediately, chances are you’re not going to be seen as relationship material.”
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